Oil of Gladness

I went to another funeral today, my fourth in just a few months. I knew that I hadn't truly mourned for my friends, Christopher and Michael or my aunt, Beth. The sorrow I am feeling is about my loss not theirs. I began experiencing a void that Christopher's death created. Beth's sudden death ripped it larger. Now with Rosie's passing I am confronting the pit that all of these deaths have opened.

Today as I listened to minister speak fervently of Rosie's loving, caring nature, I was saturated by my recent losses. Tears started running down my cheeks. The minister spoke of how Rosie's house (her physical body) had broken down and was in disrepair. Now that she was with God, she was in a new spiritual house that couldn't be destroyed or crippled. What he said was true for Rosie, for Christopher, for Beth, for Michael. All of them had bodies that failed them and couldn't support their spirits any more.

Grief is a necessary process for us humans. We all have to experience the anguish associated with death so that we can heal and become healthy again. Not dealing with pain and loss can and often does lead to depression. I know that tears and sadness are part of a necessary process.

I've experienced that deep depression from repressing my feelings. My first Christmas at MCC Lubbock Rev. Renae and a minister from United Church of Christ Lubbock led a special service for people who were feeling sad and lonely during the holidays. I was battling severe depression. With a great deal of uncertainty I went to the Blue Christmas Service expecting little from it.

The Bible verse they used was Isaiah 61:3.

3...provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair...

I had never heard this verse and was struck by the imagery of these words. At the end of the service, the two ministers administered oil on each person's forehead. For me this evening helped me acknowledge to God that I needed divine help to move past my grief.

Today as I mourn my loved ones I take comfort again from this verse and in the knowledge that God never leaves me. Eventhough I'm still sad over these losses, God has subsided the oppressiveness of my sorrow. God has again anointed me with the "oil of gladness."