Will Power!

I'm working on losing weight. Okay, not really working. The doctor wants me to. I KNOW I need to. AND I don't really have any motivation to do work on it. The more the doc nags the more I rebel. I keep wondering how I will have time to use the gifts God is giving me if I don't get myself healthier. Am I really going to waste all of these things with which God is blessing me just because I can't find the incentive to lose weight?

Over the next five years I will spend a lot of energy, time, and money to become an ordained minister. I'll be forty-six by the time I can actually complete ordination with MCC. I know God wouldn't have pushed and shoved me to where I am if there aren't BIG plans for me.

Just this afternoon I pulled into the Dairy Queen drive-thru line. I really wanted BOTH tacos AND a Blizzard. I was trying really hard to talk myself out of getting both. I pulled into one of the parking spaces and quietly said to God, "Please help me make a good decision here." As I backed up, I realized I didn't want either tacos or ice cream AND walking the dog sounded like a good idea.

One of my biggest problem with using this technique is that I have to be able to STOP and pray before I shove food in my mouth or even buy it. Obviously I'm not good at thinking before eating. In fact I have a tendancy to totally not think when I want to eat. I'm way more likely to feel when eating. When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm lonely, I eat. When I'm mad, I eat. And I eat when I am happy.

For me I really have to focus on eating healthier food. I also have to stop eating when I'm full. I have gotten better at not eating all the food on my plate when I'm eating out. I have a harder time at home when I swear the food is whispering from the fridge. It says, "You KNOW I taste good. You KNOW you want me. Come on! EAT ME!"

During these times I will try to stop and ask God for help. I know I can't do it by myself. Isn't that one of the first step in AA? I am admitting that I'm powerless over alcohol (or food in this instance) and that a Power greater than me will have to restore my sanity. So tonight I remember that God has a plan for me and if I am going to fulfill it, I have to focus away from food and on God. I've fought the idea of joining Overeaters Anonymous. As I write these thoughts, I am begin to wonder if God is trying to encourage me to step out of my comfort zone and try OA.

Okay, God, I know that You're in charge and that I have very little willpower concerning food. I will try OA. Thanks, Dude.